Thirteen things that a church organist doesn't want to hear:

[gwyn]

"Can't we just have hymns and not sing all that other stuff?"

"So, which of those beats is the downbeat then?"

"Can we move rehearsal to a different night next week? There's an hour-long Emmerdale on at the same time you see."

"Oh really! I've just sung that one"

"Sorry that I wasn't at practice last night, but I wasn't there last week when you said you were changing it to another night."

"We used to sing that hymn to a lovely tune when (n) was the organist. He was so nice wasn't he? He didn't drown us out by using he feet"

"Ah, so you're the new organist are you? Well, it's always been my job to pick the hymns for the Sunday Mass, always done it I have."

A new person joins choir and says "I thought it was better to sing with the choir than to listen to it."

"I didn't realise you sang in English, it always sounded like Latin to me."

"I can't attend choir practices, but I'll come and help you out on Sunday mornings."

"You're not going to make us sing this without music are you?"

"I've been at this church for 20 years and you still sing the same unfamiliar hymns."

Said by a lady conductor: "Tenors, I will bring you off with my left hand."

The imagery is unsettling to say the least.

Anyone got any other gems?

[musicus]

Anyone got any other gems?

A nice idea (but keep 'em clean, folks ).

I can't recall any, myself, at the moment - but give me time.

[SOP]

I know a few organists who don't like to hear the choir singing so insist on drowning them out!

It amuses me when organists think the most important part of a sung Mass is ... the organist!

[gwyn]

Organists are an interesting species to be sure. Best of all is the sung parish mass when the music-man and the priest aren't both aware of what's planned. (Doesn't happen in our parishes of course, but at St. Judas Iscariott's down the road . . .) Classics include:

P/ " . . . in the joyful hymn of praise. (starts to recite) Holy, ho . . . "(organ begins intro to sung Sanctus).

P/ "Let us pray with confidence . . . gave us. Our Fa . . ." (organ begins intro to sung Our Father).

This of course occurs in so called folk masses too, organists are not the only culprits. Over amplified leccy guitars are an absolute curse. But the worst by far has to be a CD hymn/song accomapniment played through a PA system. Where are the police when you most need them?

[manniemain]

I have been subject to both of these.

"This is Mike (name changed). He plays Electric Bass Guitar but doesn't read music. He can fit in with most things here and there. I would him to join the choir. Please make him welcome.

Why is a convert (I became a Catholic many many years ago)playing the organ in a Catholic Church?