Wedding tourism

[markyboy2000]

Am I alone in noticing a rise in wedding tourism, fuelled both by second homes and the tendency to have reception venues away from home parishes?
And do others find it irritating that parents come to a church and dictate what the service should be - not just the flowers and the music - but also whether the heating should be on (because they'll all be in off-the shoulder dresses)?
We have a wedding at the awful time of 1pm tomorrow (Sunday), not a Mass, but meaning that myself and the ladies of the choir will have to hang around after our 10.30 Mass. The bride's parents have a 2nd home by the sea, and do attend; the last wedding was a couple from away, with a priest from yet another parish, but with no connection to our parish except it was nearest the hotel!
And, please, am I right that either the Rubrics or Bishops' Instructions rule out use of secular songs? Tomorrow during the Signing, following Gounod's Ave Maria, someone is singing an Ed Sheeran song, Lord help us.
I think, after 40 years, I'm going to start refusing to play weddings for non-parishioners (and maybe even for them if non-attenders), it will save me sleepless nights.
All comments welcome.

[alan29]

Ah, weddings.
I take the money and run.

[Nick Baty]

I just don't do weddings, either as a musician or a guest – terribly depressing occasions – as I don't trust myself not to scream, "You don't have to do this. It's not too late!"

But, back to topic, we have around 50 baptisms a year and between 120 and 150 funerals. But when it comes to weddings, it's around two in a three-year cycle. (Couldn't really say two thirds of a wedding each year!) So, while we don't have wedding tourism, we definitely have funeral tourism when those with the most tenuous link come back for the final rites.

[organist]

I have not played for a wedding for years and the last one I did was for a friend of my daughter. Funerals Yes and the trend to CDs continues.

[VML]

Wedding tourism in our parish: we had no more than one wedding last year, but now we suddenly have three in quick succession, but the first is with the priest from the next parish, and an east European band, and our confused flower team not knowing whether couple are bringing/ removing/ replacing flowers.

The second, I was told of the date, marked it, but heard no more so enquired and was told they have their own music. I'm not holding my breath for the third one.

[alan29]

We have only a handful of weddings each year. They are split pretty evenly between active parishioners and unmarried couples who have had their child baptised to get into the parish school and who have then been persuaded by the PP to regularise their union.
We have one of the second group this Saturday. They want the "usual" in and out, and for me to play "something suitable" during the signing of the register. No hymns because they and their friends don't know any - a wise decision.

[markyboy2000]

I like the idea of no hymns, or perhaps just one, as many youngsters don't seem to learn hymns or suitanble songs at school any more. The same definitely goes for funersals where families only want to get it over with and have no idea when to sit, stand, or respond.
We had a wedding last year, he's Italian, she Polish, they run a local hotel, and they opted for only music because of language difficulties. It was a very relaxed affair.
I know there is a wedding in September, though I've not yet been booked, but had the 'pleasure' of accidentally meeting the bride and Mum when they came to see the church booked for the wedding. Neither seemed impressed - but then it was getting dark and the lights weren't on. Maybe I'll have a sudden holiday that weekend.
Incidentally the wedding on Sunday referred to in my earlier post passed without incident, the sun shone on them, and the choir all got goodie-bags.

[VML]

One of the loveliest weddings we have had was a local man and his Polish bride. They came to our house to discuss the music on the way to work one morning, with their toddler son, and asked for the Paul Inwood Holy Family psalm to be sung, and the chant Alleluia as her family would know it. It was a beautiful Nuptial Mass with a respectfully involved assembly. There were possibly 20 people there, she was wearing a simple sleeveless creamy gold dress, they were happy with parish altar flowers, she carried a small supermarket bouquet, which she gave to me afterwards. Then they went for a pub lunch. A wedding does not have to break the bank!!
On the other hand, I played for one where I had known the bride's well off business family for years, and hoped for decorum. But they were the noisiest crowd we ever had, and applauded the readings!!

[PhloridaPhil]

I have a wedding tomorrow of one of my cantors here in Florida. There will be 13 flower girls and11 bridesmaids and groomsmen. The processions start at 5pm but I wonder when the bride will arrive and I also wonder how many times I’ll have to play pachelbel’s Canon in D

[alan29]

I have a wedding tomorrow of one of my cantors here in Florida. There will be 13 flower girls and11 bridesmaids and groomsmen. The processions start at 5pm but I wonder when the bride will arrive and I also wonder how many times I’ll have to play pachelbel’s Canon in D

At least you are warned, unlike my experience last Saturday when the brides maids each had their own individual procession of one!

[JW]

Don't understand these mini processions. If each server processed up individually before a Sunday Mass, you'd never hear the end of it!

[Southern Comfort]

Don't understand these mini processions. If each server processed up individually before a Sunday Mass, you'd never hear the end of it!

It's an American thing. There are pre-processions of bridesmaids, groomsmen, and most importantly the MOTHERS of the bride and groom who will come in together, or even separately. Now it's coming over here.

In the States, in fact, they are starting to discourage all this, since it is in direct conflict with the rite, which says that (a) there is only one procession, and (b) the bride and groom enter together, with their families and attendants if they so choose. The same is true over here, of course. We have ignored the rite since 1969 and mostly continue to do so.

[Nick Baty]

I remember playing for a wedding a few months after the Charles and Diana nuptials: The bride's mother had noticed that Her Majesty had a separate procession so she decided to do the same and I had to play her in with the theme of Love Story. All I can remember is a large feather bobbing down the aisle. During the signing of the register, the same lady came up to the organ loft, donned choir robes, and sang Ave Maria – still with that large feather!

[JW]

In these days of equality, the emphasis placed on brides, their mothers and their attendants seems a little out of place.

I played for a wedding once where the priest warned me that we could get raided by the police as the bride's father was wanted! All the men were on lookout in the carpark during the ceremony.. Fortunately all went off smoothly!

[VML]

Wanted Father of Bride? I have occasionally taken discreet photos from behind the organ, which is beside the altar facing the assembly. A couple of years ago I was asked for photos marking a PP jubilee, and intended to use a ten year old one where the tiny bridesmaid had offered the bride a mobile phone half way through the vows. Then I recognised the F of B: his mugshot had been in the papers a couple of years later, and he had served some years at HMP. So I didn't send the pic for the celebration.....
In case taking photos is thought unprofessional, they are often at request of couple who know I have a unique angle, literally.