First Mass in new translation: so how was it?

[alan29]

Our parish have decided not to use the new translation. The PP is continuing with the old and is setting up a Society of Pope Paul VI. Anyone here want to join us?

How do I clean my monitor having sprayed coffee all over it?

[Eastern Promise]

Yes, I thought you might be keen on a SPPVI, Alan, as many others here would too, obviously, judging from what has been written in the last few months. Will I ask my PP to come on here to recruit?

You know you want to..............

[gwyn]

Our parish have decided not to use the new translation. The PP is continuing with the old and is setting up a Society of Pope Paul VI. Anyone here want to join us?

If we'll be using the 1965 Missal then count me in. What a delight that was.

[musicus]

Back to the topic, please.

[NorthernTenor]

You're very patient with us, Mr. Bear

[Gedackt flute]

How it was for me ...

- I think 'and with your spirit' goes with a flow. Most people said it first time.

There seem to be a lot of chalices. The words 'constubstantial' and 'oblation' are, to me, silly and unneccesary. 'In a similar way' sounds rather twee.

Somehow, I got the same sinking feeling that I had when I first heard a folk Mass (in the 70's) as a young boy, and more recently (mid-90's) when very loud CCM music performed by soloists was being pushed in some quarters in the Birmingham diocese at the expense of the liturgical texts and the voice of the congregation.

Who is this translation for? - It seems to have been put into place by latin mass types who won't be using it.

Perhaps getting off-topic, but what on earth do ef masses, banning communion wine and altar girls, and kneeling down to receive on the tongue have to do with the Gospel?

[SOP]

I am looking forward to when I can relax and just know I will give the correct response. Part of me wishes we could have some basic Latin responses such as "Et cum spirito tuo" - but I know clever people will jump on that and say how ridiculous but ...

We still sing Kyrie, Sanctus, Agnus Dei as well as also singing Lord Have Mercy, etc. I KNOW the response to Dominus Vobiscum!

Perhaps you can tell I am getting a little frustrated now but only with myself. I feel I have no excuse because I have been to two summer schools where you had permission to use the new responses.

Getting old ain't fun.

[NorthernTenor]

Perhaps getting off-topic, but what on earth do ef masses, banning communion wine and altar girls, and kneeling down to receive on the tongue have to do with the Gospel?

A marvellous rant. Have you ever driven a taxi, John? ('ere, I 'ad that Archbishop Lefevbre in the back of my cab once ...)

[Eastern Promise]

I said earlier that we have decided to ditch the new translation. But we didn't want to do it in a spirit of negadividee. This is our planned alternative;



The 29th Sunday in Ordinary Time (or whenever) (adapted from All Together Now!!)

The non-hierarchical procession will process to the open access sanctuary with reverence. They may greet and hug ‘particular friends’ in the congregation on the way there. A Communion Table will be set with a rainbow cloth, abstract sculpture and multicoloured candles. Joss sticks may, or may not be used, as appropriate

Leader (for it is she): In the name of the Mother, the Sibling and the Heavenly Dove from above.

People: Amen (or they might say “Yeah”, or “Right” or “Whatever”)

Leader: Hullo! And Welcome to St Julian the Apostate’s Creative Liturgy

And now for our opening song “Gather Us In”

Gather Us In!
Here in this place inanity is streaming; now is the doctrine vanished away; see in this space our neuroses and daydreams, brought here for us in the light of this day.
Gather us in, the wacky and loopy; gather us in, the blind and the lame; call to us now, and we shall awaken; we shall arise at the sound of our name We’re are the young, our lives soooooo boring; we’re from the sixties and we’ve found OUR place; we have been sung throughout all of history, called to be light to the whole human race.
Gather us in, the middle class haughty; gather us in, with the spliff and the bong; give us a hymn, so bleak and so tawdry; now we can join in this terrible song!

First Reading
There will now follow a reading from the letter of St Hans of Kung to the Romans “Zis is so unfair. Other high profile theologians get a cardinal’s hat but I am cast into outer darkness. But yea, I place my faith in the pushy English Catholics who will ensure “Infallible” in the libraries of most Catholic Chaplaincies.”


Psalm (ICEL tr.)
The Mother God is my shepherd
I’ve got quite enough, thank you
Sh/e lets me repose in green organic pastures

Sh/e is true to her name.
If I should walk where there is all sorts of unpleasantness, I won’t be anxious.
You are there with a nice cup of tea and some counselling.

You have prepared a vegan-friendly spread in the sight of all those ghastly trads. My head you have anointed with cold pressed, extra virgin olive oil (or it might be aromatherapy)

Surely, goodness, hugs and togetherness will follow me all the days of my life.
And in the Earth Mother’s bender will I dwell, forever and ever.

Gospel:
A reading from the Gospel according to St John of Lennon “Peace is the answer. War isn’t. Yeah”

The Liturgy of the Pebbles

The celebrants will take a stone (nice ones from Ikea) from a black plastic bin that represents the Pit of Ecclesial Despond. This stones represents any act of patriarchy, misogyny, racism, homophobia or other nastiness inflicted on the member of the congregation by the Church hierarchy or society at large. They hold it close to their heart and then place reverently on the altar, having turned that stone into an intention to perform some act of charity (animal activism/sisterly solidarity with excommunicated women bishops or priests on a boat/going on a Stop the War demo)

There will now follow a placing of the stones on the altar

A piece of Aztec Pan Pipe /Native Indian chant/Aborigine music or whale singing may be played

The Liturgical Dance


A first (male ) dancer dressed all in black (looking like a Dementor) will seek to inflict oppression on a poor, frail female dancer (Everyperson - in white). From all sides of the building, other strong, women dancers, dressed in rainbow colours will join with the Children from the Children’s Liturgy Group (“The Kidz”) who will cast out the horrible priest-bishop figure and join in a joyous skipping dance with the Everyperson figure around the communion-table-altar thingy. Everyperson will grow strong.

This could be accompanied by any of the following songs (“Spirit in the Sky” by Norman Greenbaum, “Earth Song” by Michael Jackson, “Blowin’ in the Wind” by Bob Dylan)

Bidding prayers
The response is: “WE ARE ALL CHURCH”

Let us pray for all wimmin in the Church – that the hierarchy will recognise their true place at the heart of the Church and give them the big jobs – you know the ones with vestments and stuff. R: WE ARE ALL CHURCH

Let us pray for the people of Lebanon/Palestine/Afghanistan/Iraq/Iran (add the latest Middle Eastern hellhole here). We are so, so sorry and it’s all our fault. R: WE ARE ALL CHURCH

Let us pray for all oppressed minorities in the Church (you know who you are). And that this terrible, terrible pope, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, will not stick around too long so that we can have that nice Cardinal Daneels or Martini or better still a woman. R: WE ARE ALL CHURCH

Let us pray that Christians in China/Cuba/Pakistan will learn to know their place and stop causing trouble. R: WE ARE ALL CHURCH

Let us pray for all those members of Muslim community, so alienated by their life in this country with its free education, health and welfare systems that they feel compelled to blow themselves up on public transport. We pray that they’ll feel less alienated once the government allows them Sharia Law. R: WE ARE ALL CHURCH

Let us pray for the United nations. Despite 60 years of ineffectiveness, we still pray that all people of the world could, you know, just get along and stop being horrid to each other R: WE ARE ALL CHURCH

Let us pray for Barry and Nigel (or it may be Daphne and Erica) as they celebrate their first year of civil partnership together. R: WE ARE ALL CHURCH

Let us pray for Sr Rose of the Holy Name as she begins her new life as Spirit-Flame. We wish her well with her enneagram, crystals and counselling enterprise. R: WE ARE ALL CHURCH

Communion Get Together
A Tesco Finest Pitta Bread in a multicoloured bowl and an ethnic cup of Fairtrade Chilean Chardonnay (pre-consecrated by Father Barry, who may, or may not be present) is held aloft

Leader: THIS IS THE SYMBOL OF OUR UNITY TOGETHER – IT IS TO YOU, WHATEVER YOU WANT IT TO BE

Leader: Come and eat and be one

People: OK, that’s great

The bread and wine are passed around. As it is passed, the people say each to each other:

Person #1: This is the bread and wine

Person #2: How nice and inclusive

At this point more tasteful ethnic music will be played.

Finishing Rite
Leader: Let us pray. Eternal Good Spirit thank you for a nice liturgy together – it’s been so inclusive and warm and spontaneous.

The Sub-Leader: The liturgy is over – let’s go in peace and hey, be careful out there.

People: Amen to that (or they may say “Right on” or “Cool!” or “Whatever”)

Recessional Hymn

IT'S ME WHO BUILDS COMMUNITY
It's me, it's me, it's me who builds community It's me, it's me, it's me who builds community It's me, it's me, it's me who builds community It's me, it's me, it's me who builds communiteeeeeee

Rolling over the ocean, roll over the sea Go out into the world and build community Rolling over the ocean, roll over the sea Go out into the world and build community

It's you, it's me, it's us who builds community It's you, it's me, it's us who builds community It's you, it's me, it's us who builds community It's you, it's me, it's us who builds communiteeeeeee

There will now be a gathering for Fairtrade coffee and organic flapjacks (may contain nuts)

[SOP]

EP - you need help.

[NorthernTenor]

EP - you need help.

He does, SOP (tho' not of the kind unconsciously given by one or two contributors to this comments board).

ps not you, SOP!

[contrabordun]

EP - you need help.

No. He needs to get a life. This has been doing the rounds for 5 years, and started off as a spoof on the C of E. Couldn't be a***d to check whether EP had bothered to update it while copying and pasting it, so apologies if nought out of ten for originality is a tad harsh.

[Dom Perignon]

On the basis that (i) it has clearly run out of steam, and (ii) we said we would do so at this time, I have now locked this topic.