The wickedness of face cream

[Petrasancta]

Am I the only one to lament the passing of that lonely member of the genus testudinidae who used to preside over the Sacred Mysteries - the Prairie Tortoise?

[johnquinn39]

(Heard at the Oratory, Edgbaston):-

Blessed be the Holy Spirit, the Parakeet

[FrGareth]

About 3 years ago I was part of a parish mission team. We were celebrating Compline in a poorly-lit parish annexe and somehow I managed to misread a line of Psalm 129 (130):

"My soul is longing for the Lord more than the watchman for his tea break..."

I had to leave the room to control my fit of giggles. I just managed to control myself on another occassion when a wicked thought popped into my head while I was concelebrating a priest's 10th anniversary Mass, sitting on the sanctuary as a reader proclaimed the lection of the day, Genesis 15: 1-12 & 17-18 (Wed, 12th week, cycle 1).

READER: "[The Lord said to Abram] Get me a 3-year-old heifer, a 3-year-old goat, a 3-year-old ram, a turtledove and a young pigeon."

MY IMAGINATION: "You're now ready to play Ready, Steady, Cook!"

[nazard]

"Guard and defend me from the foam a line..."

[Nick Baty]

Fewer singers around on Sunday (dratted summer holidays, grrrrr) so I could more clearly hear a lady in the second row: "May the Lord accept the sacrifice of your hands....)

[Hare]

I hear a lot ".......and I ask Blessèd Mary, ever Virgin/all the angels and saints/ and to you, my brothers and sisters..." Grr!

[Mithras]

I'm sure that Luke must have misheard when he reported Our Lady's singing "the Almighty plays marbles with me" , but it does maKe for a delightful family scene. I wonder who won?

M

[Lakelark]

. . . not to mention "all that is seen and unseen". A remarkable invention by the majority of the English-speaking faithful:
things which can be both seen and unseen. I'm no scientist, so I may be ignorant of the existence of such things. But as a linguist I can tell where the comma ought to be: just where it is in the missal.

[gwyn]

Blessed art thou, a monk swimming

[Hare]

Some years ago, when our parish celebrated some anniversary or other, the mayor was invited to the mass. the order of service (prepared, proof-read and printed by PP) read "The Mayor will be escorted to her seat in the font of the church"

I have been credited with playing, at at least one wedding, "Veedor's Toccata" And on one occasion "Vidor's Toccata and Fugue by J S Bach"

[Hare]

Oh - and I have been asked to play "The Sheep Song" at a wedding next month! Answers on a postcard please.....

[Nick Baty]

Pachelbel Canon? The "pure new wool" ads used to feature a sheep and a shag pile.

[Hare]

a sheep and a shag pile.

[Nick Baty]

The sheep used to wander across the new carpet while Pachelbel played quietly in the background and the Pure New Wool logo appeared on the screen.

[Peter]

Oh - and I have been asked to play "The Sheep Song" at a wedding next month! Answers on a postcard please.....

Not sure if we need to start a new thread for "Sheep Songs", but while I think Nick's suggestion is probably correct, another possibility is Bach's "Sheep May Safely Graze". Does the old joke that this is a favourite for butchers' funerals keep us on topic?