The wickedness of face cream

[precentor]

The dangers of allowing a bride and groom to producr their own order of service:

'The bride and groom make their wedding vowels'

and my particular favourite...

The Hymn: 'Love, the vinyl love-sick selling' - No. 123

[organist]

Ha H! Loved it! oops laughing in Holy Week again!

[Peter]

Mention of Stainer's "Crucifixion" on another thread reminded me of the time when I sang the tenor solo part some years ago and had to take care not to make the line "Here in abasement..." towards the end of "King ever glorious" sound as if we'd gone below street level: especially inappropriate as I was singing in the organ loft!

Another memory from the more distant past was a rehearsal of the penultimate chorus from "Messiah" when, attempting to articulate the semiquaver runs of "...for e-e-e-ever and e-e-e-ever", I started to wonder whether Handel had intended this as an onomatopoeic reference to the sound of the Lamb the chorus is praising.

[nazard]

How many of you celebrated Trinity Sunday by singing Newman's unforgettable line:

"And I next acknowledge Julie..."

[Nick Baty]

I once heard a child proclaim: "A reading from the duke of booteronomy!"

[dunstan]

At prep school, I am told we all solemnly repeated the response introduced by the reader:

"His dysentry shall last for ever".

[Nick Baty]

I once heard a child proclaim (and you have to read this in Scouse): "A reading from the duke of booteronomy!"

[Southern Comfort]

For the medically minded: "A reading from the book of Deuterectomy"

This Holy Week, we had the Israelites daubing blood on their lentils.....

[mcb]

For the medically minded: "A reading from the book of Deuterectomy"

It must mean having something surgically removed a second time!

[oopsorganist]

We had the "scruntiny of lions" today from the young reader... and the PP.

[Peter]

A friend recently drew my attention to some "Summer Special Offers" from a well-known ecclesiastical supplier, including a:

"Wick trimmer in Sheffield steal. Guilt finish"

Presumably any of their readers stealing anything from Sheffield (or anywhere else for that matter) would end up feeling guilty! Sadly, both spellings are correct on their website, where the prices quoted are higher, so maybe the special offers really are a "steal". I did try uploading a JPEG of the advert onto this thread to prove I wasn't making it up but the system wouldn't let me. Should it be possible to do so?

[docmattc]

This Holy Week, we had the Israelites daubing blood on their lentils.....

That must be the origin of this Epiphany custom, from the Directory on Popular Piety on the Vatican website:

the blessing of homes, on whose lentils are inscribed the Cross of salvation...

[manniemain]

"Gentle Jesus meek and mild" contains the line "Pity my simplicity"

As a child I often pitied these mice. Where is "plicity"? is it a mouse trap?

[JW]

Has anyone noticed the heresy in the second verse of Crown Him With Many Crowns, i.e. "fruit of the Mystic, Rose".

[Southern Comfort]

I'm very fond of the hymn for the National Union of Seamen (if it still exists):

Hail, thou star of ocean,
porthole of the sky....