It must be Easter ......

[oopsorganist]

..because I am cross.

Arrived all planned for a kind of dumbed down version of the service music tonight, knowing that with only an organ at my disposal I would have to offer very standard items. The only kind of Ubi Caritas I could offer was not very good - but - oh dear. our parish primary had come to Mass in the morning, and father presented me with the service sheet from that Mass, and said they were lovely hymns and could we do those?

OK - Be still for the presents (sp mine own), Blessed are you Lord, This is my body, (had that down for after Communion - no fancy stuff in our parish just now) and All that I am. He particularly wanted All that I am.

Doh - he also stated during service that he had already done this service this morning - is that possible?

I agreed to put "All that I am" in during the foot washing. After a somewhat rambling sermon, we said the Creed and had bidding prayers, I am following the published official service sheet which does not include this and there was a rather long gap where I realised some sort of hymn was required, sorted that eventually (CFE has different numbers for Gifts of Bread etc, lots of scrambling through the Supplement at the back of the full music ed.)

Then after Communion, PP read out the words of "Be Still for the presence of the Lord" !!!!!!!!!( The Lord is moving in particularly mysterious ways just now) then sang O Sacrament Most Holy de da de, which kind of always happens... then we started the procession, supposed to be singing, Of the glorious body telling... unaccompanied, but wayward Screeching Lady sang, Pange Lingua - at this point I went home, heard father saying something along the lines of God says, Will you not watch one hour with me, which is another "plop" that I find difficult to endure, but hey, they should just get on and do it.

PP has also requested The Old Rugged Cross and Were you thereet. for tomorrow. With paranoia, I suspect that screeching lady is at root of all this. (Thinks, well, we always do sing them anyway, because most other options are closed ...)

I ain't gonna be there. I need to hand this parish back to the old manipulators and fakers who were suffocating it ten years ago. They can then sing All that I am, "Gospel" style ad nauseum to their hearts content until they drop. Which luckily won't be that long.

Meanwhile at home, my family babysat a small child of a friend, who, inspite of being an aethist, was off to sing at our local C of E church. She has joined their choir, she has a beautiful voice and plays flute like a professional. Something is very wrong here. I don't know what. She likes what they sing. I want to sing in a choir. I want to like the stuff I sing.

I feel very frustrated. I know it is always like this at Easter, too few helpers and too many interfering old biddies....but it feels like this is right back where I came in and dying on its feet.
And I am bored witless by it all.
pp last week I accidentally put up the numbers wrong for O sacred head.. parish stood there looking at O come o come Emmanuel... but they couldnt' scan it so they sang nothing. (That's 522 instead of 552).

[oopsorganist]

Well here I am talking to myself in cyber space.

I have fallen down the gap. The one between what I can imagine faith to be like and the real world as lived in a Catholic parish downtown. Between what is and what could be.

Anyone got a ladder?

[gwyn]

You have endured a lot there, Oops. There has to come a time when you have to call it a day and move to where you can be part of a worshipping community and your ministry valued (though there's nothing that says that we should feel valued).

Sadly the "I want to dominate, manipulate and control things" brigade often find a niche in churches and the opportunity to practise their black art, nowhere is completely free of them. They invariably know better than the rest of the church. The bishops, cardinals and the pope are all wrong, only they are right.

Your gaff seems to have more than it's fair share it would seem, Oops.

[VML]

I thought the only Mass that could be celebrated earlier in the day on Maundy Thursday was the Chrism Mass. Nothing about school end of term Mass: The Triduum takes precedence surely. What's the matter with your PP, oops?
Don't answer that!
We had a homily that covered the child abuse issue, the arogance of the priests and powers that were so appalling at dealing with it, recognition of mistakes made, and the humility so necessary to keep things balanced and to build Church where we are. It was very well done- I haven't told him yet, will do tomorrow. I know how blessed we are.
Oops, I hope you can find a way to make something stick with the parish you are in, or can reasonably go somewhere where you can fulfill your obvious gifts.
God only knows.

[musicus]

I want to sing in a choir. I want to like the stuff I sing.

Oops, if I were you, I'd take a break. Be nice to yourself. You have a responsibility to yourself and your own well-being. It sounds like they think they can manage without you, so let them. (Of course, I don't know all the circumstances, but if tonight is typical I'm surprised you have stayed so long.)

[oopsorganist]

Thanks for your replies Gwyn and VML
I am feeling very raw. Why the fact that the congregation was led into singing two verses of Pange Lingua instead of Of the Glorious Body etc,, is so upsetting, I don't know, I just don't know.
I suppose it is because this is a very significant service and the fact that is can be distorted, even by misguided faith, means, oh I don't know, something about not doing things for the right reason, loss of cooperation, things like that. If the only reason people come to services is for x y z hymns, well, why bother?

[Southern Comfort]

Commiserations, oops.

Everything you have described sounds like the kind of breakdown in communications and coherence which is, alas, only too frequently found in parishes. I think musicus is right — take some time out, regroup, and then try to find a niche where not only can you make a contribution but can also be nourished spiritually. The latter component is desperately important: carrying on grinding away against the impossible can end up killing the soul, and you sound dangerously close to that at the moment. Please be good to yourself.

Finding a new niche might initially mean not being an organist somewhere — who knows ? — but in my part of the world you'd have no trouble at all finding a parish where they need someone to play, and where the way things are done is light years away from what you've described. I think the secret would be to shop around and, even if you find somewhere that seems right, don't jump in straight away.

[gwyn]

Wise words S.C.

[oopsorganist]

The Lord does move in mysterious ways.
I took Good Friday off. And went to my own parish where I actually belong to - and used to atttend with my children before being co oerced into playing the organ in the sister parish. (The both will merge in due course, as reorganisation sets in). Anyway, there they were! The old music group! Grumpy as ever! They greeted each other after the service, and pointedly ignored me. So I pray for them. My old parish is down and out. There were 50 souls there, but few under the age of 60. Mass attendance can be as low as 20.

Meanwhile, I simplified the Vigil to the extreme and was able to join in with lighting a candle which might be a first for me. I stood with my current parish and watched them light their candles, old and young, chavs and travellers and refugees. The music wasn't good, Fr launched into the Latin Gloria only to find the words on sheet are NOT the words of the Misa De Angelis and so anyway, that is par for the course. Liturgical and Musical chaos.

But this parish of mine, they are full of life. There were more than 200 there today, maybe 300, all peoples and a noisy church full. Mrs Screeching lady announced she wanted to sing the Psalm, and did so, badly. But today it made me laugh, for years I have said we should be singing the Psalms, and today she too, thinks this it the way to go...

I am never going to be able to leave what goes on, our PP is a treasure (although, the bit in his sermon, when he got mixed up with ghosts and Jesus being able to eat, that was a bit muddled)

What I urgently need is some help with the music. Someone to share organ duties with, and our parish deserves a choir, a good choir to lead the singing. I can't do all the music by myself week in week out and I don't have leadership skils or truly, any organisational skills. I can't let this parish flounder by leaving it to the grumpy gang who gave father such a hard time in the past. But I do need to get around and hear what other parishes are doing because I am stuck in a rut. And basically, I am in the wrong job and always have been in the wrong job. That's why it is Oopsorganist.

Good Easter rest to all.

[gwyn]

You sound im better spirits Oops. No, you can't do it all, and why should you? Just take off a manageable chunk a deal with that.

You (if I'm reading this correctly) seem to have taken a step back and are being a bit more objective. I know how it feels to be inside, looking around and seeing only mayhem, the reality is, as you've noted, that standing back gives a whole different persepctive.

A monk of Belmont once described choirs, churches, congregations and the like as being rather like oil paintings, up close and from within they seem quite dreadful and you wouldn't look twice, stand back though and you get the full sensory blast.

Speaking of monks of Belmont I went to Mass there this morning, the rebuilt organ in memory of Abbot Alan Rees is up and running, and a hearty sound it makes too.

[HallamPhil]

I am sitting supping my wine after as demanding a few weeks as many of you will have experienced. It is indeed a shame when one's aspirations are flattened and inspired talents and advice ignored. It is good however to read sound advice and compassion here. But I have read that Leeds Diocese boasts 45 choirs under the auspices of Cathedral outreach. What is the liturgical impact of this support and investment?

Oops, I recall meeting you probably at SSG schools. I wish you a life-giving Easter Octave. May you enjoy it to the full even if your musical contribution is reduced to a larigot!

Phil

[SOP]

Hi Oops, what kind of music does your friend like? Any chance you can lure her to your church if she is only there for the music?

Sounds as if things improved as time went on and it is probably your influence that had the psalm sung at all.

[blackthorn fairy]

As an observer of the forum for some time I've now taken the plunge and signed up. Oops and mancunian you have my deepest sympathy - been there, had that done to me and earned the tee shirt. But have courage - God moves in a mysterious way - I'm still here and AN Other is not.